I'm out of practice again. I have nothing to distract me til the wee hours of the night.. I thought the team dinner tonight would have kept me busy for a while.. And it did.. But now, I got home too early.. And, close to an hour later.. I'm still packing. F*ck.
The weather is slowly warming up here in Sydney, and it's beginning to fill my mind of memories from this time last year. It's slowly coming onto a year since I accepted this role. Jackie and I were discussing late last night when we started meeting up last year. It was late October, and I met her in November. The warm weather here - I hardly even need my thin trench coat these days - reminds me of Randwick. We were shopping at Kmart late last night, and it reminded me of all those late hours again. Nancy even called while we were shopping, and for a moment, I thought another midnight catch up would occur. But alas, common sense prevailed, and my droopy eyelids wanted sleep.
And I must have been dead tired, because I didn't even hear the phone ring in the dead of the night. Nor the messages. Talking to Jackie on the phone this morning just brought back more vivid images of all those late nights again. And it kind of reaffirmed again just what we both went through when we moved here, and that we probably have no one but each other to rely on. Well, for the sentimental things, and support. It also reaffirmed that she's the person who knows me the best here in Sydney; and our meet up last night reaffirmed for me just how well I know her character, that I can even predict her behaviour and her reactions and words. This is after more than three months of barely talking to each other. We still remember certain things about each other; too much time spent communicating all those nights ago.
And now packing again. Back to Melbourne tomorrow night. But, instead of in a hotel room, I'm at my own apartment. And once again, Jackie offered to help me pack. Once again, I declined the offer, and 2 hours later, I'm still packing. Well, and procrastinating.. I'm quite skilled at that.
I've been quite disheartened of late, and I was talking to Jackie about it last night. I moved up here for a few reasons - independence, and to gain a different skill set. It's become clear to me in the last month that I won't be able to gain those skills with this role in Sydney. Our customer has made a structural change internally, and I'm feeling a bit in limbo. Not quite operations, not quite business development, or account management, I'm more of a special projects person right now... Talking to.. No one.
There are a few things I want to implement in the next year - new floor plan, introducing new RF technology into the warehouse, security upgrade, streamlining processes within the warehouse, changing the culture of the quarterly business reviews into a more strategic discussion.. Sure, all of that sounds great, and I can tick off boxes along the way. Great opportunity in that there is no other role in this company that allows such flexibility, and such drastic changes in such a short span of time. But. The structural change internally from the customer's end recently means that I do all the planning.. But can't sell it to a person. It goes up the chain to Terry, who tries to convince the customer to sign. I'm not even meeting with the customer anymore, when I used to be involved in all communications.
It'll have me all over it.. But I gain no skill in negotiating with the customer. Well, no skill of sitting at the table negotiating. Maybe it is a good thing for now, I guess. Still, just a bit disheartened about the whole thing. And, another twelve months will pass, and I know I won't have any of the skills required to become a Business Manager. Not that I want to be a Business Manager, actually. But I know that I need to start planting seeds into Greg's ear into my next move soon, and I have no idea what that will be. Another twelve months with this customer, and I know I'll be ready to move onto the next challenge.
I need a break from work, I know I do. I'm losing my patience at work, and I know it's a sign that I need a holiday. Tomorrow night, I fly back to Melbourne, and Terry is at work Thursday and Friday without me. Maybe I'm a control freak, actually, because Terry said tonight, over dinner: 'So Thuy flies out tomorrow night, leaving me all alone in the office for two days. Gee - I'm going to let loose!' I could see the worried look on Craig's face when Terry said that.
Sometimes I wonder had I accepted the role in Singapore last year, things might be quite different today. Maybe you would still be there, albeit unhappy in your role. But we would, at the very least, share the same sky. Who knows? It's a thought that both makes me a little sad, and yet, a bit comforting at the same time.
I've been having dreams. Dreams of another life, a parallel universe, a different world. Dreams of the past, but not a past that actually happened. It's been quite strange, because it's not like I've had any of these dreams before, but when I wake up, I remember the feeling of the dream. And it feels like a recurring event of a different life. It reminds me Kara no Kyoukai, parts of it, when everyday feels like a routine, and yet.. Different at the same time. I used to live for that feeling the dreams evoked, because it was so comforting. Now, it feels bittersweet. It's like a sigh, before reality snaps you back. It used to be an addictive rush. Now, it just feels.. Bittersweet. I guess I have learned, and moved on. And that in itself is bittersweet.
I need to keep packing. Maybe this was enough procrastinating. It's already past 11pm, and I still have things to do. I think another late night will ensue. And so the routine repeats.
One fine day you'll sing
Your inevitable love song
Inevitable lie song
Inevitable cry song
This is a story about the three of us
Down by the water and the tide is rising
The world is burning and I'm terrified
I need a little more time with you
Oh please, just a little more time with you
The weather is slowly warming up here in Sydney, and it's beginning to fill my mind of memories from this time last year. It's slowly coming onto a year since I accepted this role. Jackie and I were discussing late last night when we started meeting up last year. It was late October, and I met her in November. The warm weather here - I hardly even need my thin trench coat these days - reminds me of Randwick. We were shopping at Kmart late last night, and it reminded me of all those late hours again. Nancy even called while we were shopping, and for a moment, I thought another midnight catch up would occur. But alas, common sense prevailed, and my droopy eyelids wanted sleep.
And I must have been dead tired, because I didn't even hear the phone ring in the dead of the night. Nor the messages. Talking to Jackie on the phone this morning just brought back more vivid images of all those late nights again. And it kind of reaffirmed again just what we both went through when we moved here, and that we probably have no one but each other to rely on. Well, for the sentimental things, and support. It also reaffirmed that she's the person who knows me the best here in Sydney; and our meet up last night reaffirmed for me just how well I know her character, that I can even predict her behaviour and her reactions and words. This is after more than three months of barely talking to each other. We still remember certain things about each other; too much time spent communicating all those nights ago.
And now packing again. Back to Melbourne tomorrow night. But, instead of in a hotel room, I'm at my own apartment. And once again, Jackie offered to help me pack. Once again, I declined the offer, and 2 hours later, I'm still packing. Well, and procrastinating.. I'm quite skilled at that.
I've been quite disheartened of late, and I was talking to Jackie about it last night. I moved up here for a few reasons - independence, and to gain a different skill set. It's become clear to me in the last month that I won't be able to gain those skills with this role in Sydney. Our customer has made a structural change internally, and I'm feeling a bit in limbo. Not quite operations, not quite business development, or account management, I'm more of a special projects person right now... Talking to.. No one.
There are a few things I want to implement in the next year - new floor plan, introducing new RF technology into the warehouse, security upgrade, streamlining processes within the warehouse, changing the culture of the quarterly business reviews into a more strategic discussion.. Sure, all of that sounds great, and I can tick off boxes along the way. Great opportunity in that there is no other role in this company that allows such flexibility, and such drastic changes in such a short span of time. But. The structural change internally from the customer's end recently means that I do all the planning.. But can't sell it to a person. It goes up the chain to Terry, who tries to convince the customer to sign. I'm not even meeting with the customer anymore, when I used to be involved in all communications.
It'll have me all over it.. But I gain no skill in negotiating with the customer. Well, no skill of sitting at the table negotiating. Maybe it is a good thing for now, I guess. Still, just a bit disheartened about the whole thing. And, another twelve months will pass, and I know I won't have any of the skills required to become a Business Manager. Not that I want to be a Business Manager, actually. But I know that I need to start planting seeds into Greg's ear into my next move soon, and I have no idea what that will be. Another twelve months with this customer, and I know I'll be ready to move onto the next challenge.
I need a break from work, I know I do. I'm losing my patience at work, and I know it's a sign that I need a holiday. Tomorrow night, I fly back to Melbourne, and Terry is at work Thursday and Friday without me. Maybe I'm a control freak, actually, because Terry said tonight, over dinner: 'So Thuy flies out tomorrow night, leaving me all alone in the office for two days. Gee - I'm going to let loose!' I could see the worried look on Craig's face when Terry said that.
Sometimes I wonder had I accepted the role in Singapore last year, things might be quite different today. Maybe you would still be there, albeit unhappy in your role. But we would, at the very least, share the same sky. Who knows? It's a thought that both makes me a little sad, and yet, a bit comforting at the same time.
I've been having dreams. Dreams of another life, a parallel universe, a different world. Dreams of the past, but not a past that actually happened. It's been quite strange, because it's not like I've had any of these dreams before, but when I wake up, I remember the feeling of the dream. And it feels like a recurring event of a different life. It reminds me Kara no Kyoukai, parts of it, when everyday feels like a routine, and yet.. Different at the same time. I used to live for that feeling the dreams evoked, because it was so comforting. Now, it feels bittersweet. It's like a sigh, before reality snaps you back. It used to be an addictive rush. Now, it just feels.. Bittersweet. I guess I have learned, and moved on. And that in itself is bittersweet.
I need to keep packing. Maybe this was enough procrastinating. It's already past 11pm, and I still have things to do. I think another late night will ensue. And so the routine repeats.
One fine day you'll sing
Your inevitable love song
Inevitable lie song
Inevitable cry song
This is a story about the three of us
Down by the water and the tide is rising
The world is burning and I'm terrified
I need a little more time with you
Oh please, just a little more time with you
No comments:
Post a Comment