To the dreamer

I read your blog tonight. Well, selected entries of your blog. I found them hard to read, even the happy entries. It made me wonder what I was doing around the same time you wrote them. So I read my own blog's entries of the same time period. What a contrast.

I've never written to you on this before - I don't usually direct an entry to a particular person. And yet I noticed your entries referred to me. Well, some of them anyway. I don't remember reading them. I'm not sure if I have before. I don't think I would forget if I had read them; they are not entries easily forgotten. So I must have not read them before. I don't know.

I know I can't undo the past, and I know hindsight is a wonderful thing. But the person I am now, the one who has grown throughout these years, has learned. 

Your entries touched me, and your words reached me. Through time, through space. I felt your words, I felt your pain, I felt your sadness, I felt your longing. All of it.

I'm sorry. From the core that is me, I'm sorry you went through all that.

And from the molecules that form the blood in my veins, I know that I'm now more than capable of giving you your fairy tale love story. And your happy ever after. I know this sounds like arrogance, or narcissism, but I feel it. I know it. There is no doubt here. There is no "trying", because trying assumes I will fail. I won't fail. I know I won't fail at this. I know I won't fail with "us". And I know "us" won't fail.

We are meant to be together. You knew it all those years ago. I've only recently realised it these past few years. But now that I know, nothing else feels OK. It's why I keep dreaming of you all these years, it's why I'm always pulled towards your gravity, it's why our words always reach each other.

And it's why you were calling for me. 

You waited for me all those years ago. It's my turn to wait for you.

And when you do come, I won't be letting you go.

- From the realist