A fantasy company?

Picture this scenario: You work for a company consisting of nine people, of which one staff member is slowly coming back from maternity leave, and is working one day a week. So, really, you work alongside seven other people. Of these people, two programmers may work from home whenever they wish, for peace and quiet, leaving six in the office. Now, the Director has fallen pregnant, and now must work from home in the afternoons, every afternoon. Leaving five in the office. Another staff member, who joined in January, insists he must work from home in the afternoons as well because his wife gave birth in December, and now wants to start returning to work. He was given permission to work from home as well. Leaving four people in the office. Mind you, for every hour that you work after 6pm, your hours are doubled, and if you work on weekends, the hours you accrue can be converted to annual leave. But only for these people who have the privilege of working from home - the rest of the staff do not get this bonus.

Now, another staff member has insisted that he must work from home every afternoon as well because his wife is pregnant. When is she due? In October. Why does he have to work from home? Because his wife is stressed out, and he needs to take care of her. Add to that fact he mentioned to the Director when he didn't come home early enough (early being roughly 2pm), his wife would pressure him to get home earlier. So, what does the Director do? The Director then tells every single staff member they mustn't pressure him to stay in the office, so he can go home 1pm every day or earlier because his wife is pregnant. Oh, and nevermind these people's workloads - they can be spread across the remaining staff who are left in the office. That's what flexibility means in this company.

Now, to spice things up a little, throw in a dash of this fella turning up late for meetings that he organises, only to apologise to the rest of the company he was late because his wife is pregnant and she kept him up all night. Oh, and to please excuse his future behaviour for the next four months because his wife will still be pregnant, and if he doesn't get enough sleep, he'll continue to show up late. All this is perfectly acceptable in the eyes of the Director. And the punchline of this scenario? Last week, this fella, who was supposedly 'working from home', didn't check his emails that afternoon, and so forgot he had an appointment with a client the following morning. And so didn't turn up. He didn't bother making up an excuse for that. He was busted not working. But he got away with it, because he's still working from home these days.

So life goes on in this little merry scenario, with three people in the office every afternoon, taking up more work for the staff who are out of the office, and working home. Do you see a common theme here? In this company, it is an advantage to either be pregnant, have kids, or a wife who is expecting. That way, you're excused for being grumpy and rude to other staff, can take three months paid maternity/paternity leave, work from home whenever you choose, and if working after 6pm, your work time is doubled, and working on weekends will add to your annual leave. Which, ofcourse, you can take once your wife gives birth. Oh, and don't forget you can show up late to your own meetings.. Because your wife is pregnant. This fella will be taking six months of paid leave come October (he's racked up three months of annual leave, even though he took a month off in April).

Oh, and I'm not talking cheap labour here. I am referring to the Managing Director, the Operations Manager, the Technical Director, the Finance Officer, and the Senior Logistics Consultant. The remaining three staff in the office, who are paid the least in the company, are not given these perks, and will be taking on these extra staff roles when these people go on leave. Extra pay for these staff? You will be guaranteed to hear the company line, 'We're sorry, we would love to pay you more, but there is no budget'.

So.. Anyone out there pregnant or whose wife is pregnant, or have intentions of getting pregnant, and looking for work? Management roles, I mean? Come talk to me, because I sure have the perfect job for you. Oh, and if you're not pregnant? I'm sure the Director will allow you to work from home, provided you intend on getting yourself or your partner pregnant.

Is that a perfect company, or is that a perfect company?

.....

....

But only if you're a manager.