I feel like I want to cry today. The emotions just took me like that this afternoon, and my mind is thinking at a million miles an hour, too much thinking, and not enough distraction. Time to myself means there is no escape, only distraction. But Nikki is right. Distraction is just a short term solution, and sooner or later, I'll have to face up to it, rather than ignore it. At least now my apartment is spotless clean once again, but my mind is still powering on ahead. This is why I don't like to over think; it really is no good for me. Maybe I'm just emotional today. Sigh.
I fly home to Melbourne Thursday afternoon, to see off my 20's. By this time next week, I'll be all of 30. I finally get to hear Craig's speech, after waiting five years for it.
I thought Sydney would be different for me, but the time is coming, and I can see that I'm slowly going into hibernation again. Maybe it's just my thing around winter. I thought Sydney would be different because it's warmer, so I'm slowly shrinking back into my shell. I can see the pattern forming again. I want to break out of it, but I actually don't know how to. Maybe it'll come to me in the next few weeks.
Work's been tough lately, and it's challenging me mentally at the moment. They say your 30th birthday year is the most challenging year of your life, and the year that will make or break you. I thought I was getting away with it easy so far this year, but the past month has been challenging. Other parts of my life are challenging me mentally and emotionally too. I guess it's good to be challenged, to see what you're actually made of when things get tough. I think I'm strong enough. I guess I'll just wait and see, and hope I pass.
I guess I feel very fortunate that I have a good support network here, and in Melbourne. It helps. It helps more than I ever thought it could. I look at the friends I have around me, and I know I can draw from their strength, and their words. As corny as that sounds, right now, it actually helps. What surprises me is the people who I look to for support. If you asked me this question 3 months ago, my answers would be very very different.
Kad flies into Sydney later this month, and my God, I can't wait to see her. It makes me look forward to the end of this month. I kind of want to call this month the forsaken month, but I know it's all in my head, and I know it's in my power to break the cycle.
And goddammit, I will :)
I fly home to Melbourne Thursday afternoon, to see off my 20's. By this time next week, I'll be all of 30. I finally get to hear Craig's speech, after waiting five years for it.
I thought Sydney would be different for me, but the time is coming, and I can see that I'm slowly going into hibernation again. Maybe it's just my thing around winter. I thought Sydney would be different because it's warmer, so I'm slowly shrinking back into my shell. I can see the pattern forming again. I want to break out of it, but I actually don't know how to. Maybe it'll come to me in the next few weeks.
Work's been tough lately, and it's challenging me mentally at the moment. They say your 30th birthday year is the most challenging year of your life, and the year that will make or break you. I thought I was getting away with it easy so far this year, but the past month has been challenging. Other parts of my life are challenging me mentally and emotionally too. I guess it's good to be challenged, to see what you're actually made of when things get tough. I think I'm strong enough. I guess I'll just wait and see, and hope I pass.
I guess I feel very fortunate that I have a good support network here, and in Melbourne. It helps. It helps more than I ever thought it could. I look at the friends I have around me, and I know I can draw from their strength, and their words. As corny as that sounds, right now, it actually helps. What surprises me is the people who I look to for support. If you asked me this question 3 months ago, my answers would be very very different.
Kad flies into Sydney later this month, and my God, I can't wait to see her. It makes me look forward to the end of this month. I kind of want to call this month the forsaken month, but I know it's all in my head, and I know it's in my power to break the cycle.
And goddammit, I will :)
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