Reality hit home this week. For the first time in a long time, I feel completely and utterly alone. I've felt it every time someone's asked me what I'm doing this past week. It's a strange feeling, something I thought I was used to all these years, but I've felt it quite strongly this week. Maybe because every one keeps asking me what I'm up to, and my answer is always something solitary. I've been in between the office and the warehouse, so I haven't even had a real conversation with.. anyone. I've hardly seen Garry, not that I belong in that team anymore. But I haven't even seen Bronwyn or Terry much this week. It's almost as if everything has been amplified. But ofcourse it hasn't; it's just my perception. I feel like I haven't had a conversation with a person in a long time, do you know what I mean? It's work, but no talking. I feel like I don't belong anywhere - that's what it is. I don't belong in the Apple warehouse, I don't belong in the BD team, and I should be belonging to the Apple cubicle with Terry, but I haven't been at my desk to feel at home. This gypsy feeling is no good. I don't even know what my job is, to be honest. This whole thing makes me question whether I'm destined to be alone. I need to snap out of it.
Maybe because I'm in an unfamiliar city. Maybe because I'm still a gypsy, trying to settle in. It's probably because I don't have anything here that makes me feel like I'm home. I feel odd. I don't have my handbag; my laptop with all my memories is still in Melbourne. Hell, even my travel teddy bear is still in Melbourne. All the stuff that means anything to me is in Melbourne, and I'm stuck in this city with nothing to remind me of home, and what's.. normal for me.
Walking around the city this morning made me feel like a stranger still - no handbag, no pen, just my travel wallet and phone. Not even my real wallet. Not even my earphones here to listen to music while I walk. And I never do that in Melbourne. Maybe I'll feel better next month when I come up with a suitcase and my car. Maybe I'll feel better then.
Was looking through my photos on my phone and it didn't feel enough. I miss Pepper and Yuki. Gosh, I really miss them. Was looking through all my videos of them, and it still wasn't enough. I called Cathy earlier to send me a video of them. I wish I could see them, and play with them. They would cheer me up. I might stay with Bronwyn sometime this week to play with her dog, Max. But Max might remind me of Raffie, coz he's sick, and has cancer. I'm not sure whether that will cheer me up. I missed them so badly earlier that I was tempted to take a flight to Melbourne just to see them for the night, and fly back tomorrow afternoon. It makes me wonder how I'll last next month when I don't go home. Sigh. At times like this, I wonder how I could just abandon them like that, especially Yuki. Sigh.
In other news, I saw a gorgeous apartment this morning. Gorgeous. Quiet, secluded, lots of sunlight in both the bedroom and living/kitchen area, two balconies, secure car parking, secured block of apartments, within my budget, and a view overlooking the city and the Harbour Bridge. Gorgeous view. But no laundry, and it was right beside the train line. Ouch. I just need to be patient. But I'm just itching to find something that I can call my home. These hotels and serviced apartments are seriously not homey. I can't settle.
But I think I've decided on where I want to live. Apparently it's the Toorak equivalent of Melbourne, but the area is gorgeous. I'm in Potts Point at the moment, and I would love to find a place in Rushcutter's Bay/Elizabeth Bay/Paddington area. It's got a nice feel to it. I was in Balmain on Thursday night with Bronwyn, and met up with a few of her mates as well - a few the same age as me. They were trying to convince me to move into Balmain and we'd go for drinks and they'd introduce me around. Balmain is actually quite gorgeous - a lot of character, Williamstown/Yarraville feel to it, but with absolutely amazing views. Nice place to visit and hang out, but I'm not sure it's me. It feels very.. Melrose Place even. You know - the resort apartment blocks, with a very strong community feel, with a strong pub life. Gimme the bars instead.
Ok, I need to explore again.
Maybe because I'm in an unfamiliar city. Maybe because I'm still a gypsy, trying to settle in. It's probably because I don't have anything here that makes me feel like I'm home. I feel odd. I don't have my handbag; my laptop with all my memories is still in Melbourne. Hell, even my travel teddy bear is still in Melbourne. All the stuff that means anything to me is in Melbourne, and I'm stuck in this city with nothing to remind me of home, and what's.. normal for me.
Walking around the city this morning made me feel like a stranger still - no handbag, no pen, just my travel wallet and phone. Not even my real wallet. Not even my earphones here to listen to music while I walk. And I never do that in Melbourne. Maybe I'll feel better next month when I come up with a suitcase and my car. Maybe I'll feel better then.
Was looking through my photos on my phone and it didn't feel enough. I miss Pepper and Yuki. Gosh, I really miss them. Was looking through all my videos of them, and it still wasn't enough. I called Cathy earlier to send me a video of them. I wish I could see them, and play with them. They would cheer me up. I might stay with Bronwyn sometime this week to play with her dog, Max. But Max might remind me of Raffie, coz he's sick, and has cancer. I'm not sure whether that will cheer me up. I missed them so badly earlier that I was tempted to take a flight to Melbourne just to see them for the night, and fly back tomorrow afternoon. It makes me wonder how I'll last next month when I don't go home. Sigh. At times like this, I wonder how I could just abandon them like that, especially Yuki. Sigh.
In other news, I saw a gorgeous apartment this morning. Gorgeous. Quiet, secluded, lots of sunlight in both the bedroom and living/kitchen area, two balconies, secure car parking, secured block of apartments, within my budget, and a view overlooking the city and the Harbour Bridge. Gorgeous view. But no laundry, and it was right beside the train line. Ouch. I just need to be patient. But I'm just itching to find something that I can call my home. These hotels and serviced apartments are seriously not homey. I can't settle.
But I think I've decided on where I want to live. Apparently it's the Toorak equivalent of Melbourne, but the area is gorgeous. I'm in Potts Point at the moment, and I would love to find a place in Rushcutter's Bay/Elizabeth Bay/Paddington area. It's got a nice feel to it. I was in Balmain on Thursday night with Bronwyn, and met up with a few of her mates as well - a few the same age as me. They were trying to convince me to move into Balmain and we'd go for drinks and they'd introduce me around. Balmain is actually quite gorgeous - a lot of character, Williamstown/Yarraville feel to it, but with absolutely amazing views. Nice place to visit and hang out, but I'm not sure it's me. It feels very.. Melrose Place even. You know - the resort apartment blocks, with a very strong community feel, with a strong pub life. Gimme the bars instead.
Ok, I need to explore again.
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